Remember a Day
by R.K. Cloud
Summary: As days go by and things slowly become as normal as they will ever be, Ponyboy remembers some of what was said while he was sick after that fateful night.
1. Chapter 1

**First try at The Outsiders. Hope you enjoy.**

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I didn't remember much of what I'd said while I was sick and delirious. I do now.

I know it was only a couple of days, but I'd still asked my brothers what I'd said while I was sick. Partly out of curiosity, partly out of fear that I'd said something I shouldn't have; something awful; something about Darry. After all, I was really mixed up and most the stuff I said probably didn't make a whole lot of sense. Most of it probably wasn't true.

According to Darry I didn't say much; just asked for him and Sodapop; sometimes for mom and dad… and Johnny.

Soda wouldn't tell me much either. He just teased me about how much I hated bologna until I finally had the strength to slug him one good. He doesn't tease me about that anymore.

Like I said, I didn't remember much. But as a few weeks went by and things slowly started to go back to normal (no, not normal, nothing would ever be the same again), I began remembering bits and pieces of those few days.

--

"_Soda?" I said, my voice sounding kind of funny, like the way it does when you wake up in the morning after a long night. "Soda?"_

"_He's right here Pony. Hang on." It sounded like Darry's voice, deep and authoritative, although at the time I couldn't have confirmed it. The lights were so bright and I couldn't see much of anything through the blurriness. Why were the lights so bright? And what on god's green earth was that annoying beeping?_

_I waited a minute or a few minutes, or however long it took for Soda to come. I didn't really know why I'd asked for him, didn't really care if you want to know the truth. I was really out of it. "Hey, Ponyboy," came a falsely cheerful voice._

"_Soda?" I repeated like I wasn't really sure if it was him who'd come. _

"_Yeah Pony, it's me," he said, his voice sounding sincerely worried. We were quiet for awhile; I didn't have anything to say. I just wanted him there. I always feel better when Soda's around. He makes me feel safe, like he did when I'd had those nightmares after mom and dad… _

_I felt Soda's hand rub at my hair, the way he always does when I'm sick or hurt. Had it really been just recently that he'd done the same thing after those socs got hold of me? Was it just recently that the gang had come to my rescue, Johnny and Dally and all? Was it really just recently that the three of us had gone to the Nightly Double, when Johnny and Dally were alive and well? _

_No…they were okay; alive and well _now_. Not dead. They were alive. Dally was at Buck's somewhere drinking and looking for a fight. And Johnny, he was asleep peacefully in the vacant lot._

_Finally I had something to say. "Go find Johnny, Soda," I muttered, trying though failing to make my voice louder, competing with that damn beeping. "It's cold out."_

_I couldn't see Soda or Darry, the lights were still too bright, besides I think I had my eyes closed. But I know now they must've had confused looks on their faces._

_But I couldn't see their faces. And really, I didn't think I was saying anything wrong. It was cold out…. Johnny couldn't go home and it was cold out._

"_Pony," I heard Darry say from behind Soda. "Johnny's-"_

"_Johnny's not in the lot. He's fine," Soda quickly explained._

_I wasn't so quick to agree with him. "But he can't go home and-"_

"_Please, baby, go back to sleep now. You ain't well and the doctors say you needa rest." _

_Soda's voice was reassuring and his hand was back in my hair, and the beeping wasn't so loud anymore._

"_He's fine," I echoed Soda's words. "He's fine." Johnny was fine, Dally too, and everything was normal. At least that's what I thought._

_I was really mixed up the whole time, but the confusion and blurriness of everything was nothing compared to the way everything just went blank as I slipped back to sleep, Soda's hand on my head and the beeping becoming a muffled drone in the background._

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**Next bit coming soon. So, what do you think? **


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

I guess sometimes when I was awake during those few days I didn't say much of anything. Just laid there and listened. I don't know why I was so interested in everything that was being said. I was too tired and too sick most of the time to even understand most of what was going on. Still, I wanted to know who was around and what was happening. Maybe I was just curious. Or maybe I was really waiting for somebody to show up; somebody I knew couldn't.

--

_I didn't know who's voice it was; not at first. I guessed I'd been sleeping a lot, 'cause every time I woke up, everything was all mixed up. I couldn't think straight, couldn't remember the last time I'd woken up, except for some bright lights, stupid beeping and maybe some muffled voices. Maybe I hadn't woken up at all. Maybe everything before this was a dream. _

_I closed my eyes again pretty much soon as I opened them. I was so tired. I remembered being tired like this on a train once. With Johnny. We were on our way to the country. Why were we going to the country? I was so mixed up._

"_It ain't fair," someone said, really angry. As I said, I didn't know whose voice it was. "First Johnny and Dally, and now Ponyboy's…"_

"_It ain't like Johnny and Dally," someone else said. I was pretty sure it was Soda. "He's not…"_

"_Look," a new voice said. Darry. "The doctors said Pony should be fine. We can take him home later tonight."_

"_Oh, yeah, he should be fine," the first voice said sarcastically. "'Cause he looks real tuff." Right. Two-Bit. You didn't have to be fully aware to recognize the witty sarcasm._

_You also didn't have to be fully aware to see the grin on Soda's face. In fact, you could have your eyes closed like I did and still see it. "It's the rank haircut," he said._

_That made me mad. "Was runnin' away," I tried to defend myself. My explanation was unclear and really I meant to say more, but I didn't realize just how tired I was. Usually I can think of a good comeback my brain works so fast, but not then. All my thoughts were coming real slow._

"_Ponyboy?" Someone asked. Darry? Maybe Soda.  
_

_I didn't say anything, just opened my eyes, blinked, and closed them again._

"_Hey, Ponyboy," Someone else said._

"_Let 'im rest," I heard Darry say. "I don't want him getting sicker or anything." Yeah. Definitely Darry. If it was Soda's smile and Two-Bit's wit that were easy to catch, then Darry's authority over either me and Sodapop was plain as day. _

_Everyone was quiet. Nobody disobeyed._

_I lay there quietly again and I guess they thought I was asleep because they continued talking in hushed voices._

"_I'm so sorry Darry," Two-Bit said. He sounded real upset. "It's my fault he's like this. I knew he was sick. He felt pretty warm and…"_

"_Calm down," Darry told him in a stern voice. "I ain't mad. I knew he looked sick and shouldn't of gone to the rumble. If anyone's to blame it's me."_

_The guilt in Darry's voice was unusual. Darry was never sorry about anything, especially when it came to me. I didn't like this new side of him. It just wasn't Darry. _

_I was about to open my mouth to tell him something, anything to make him stop feeling sorry, but I was so tired and could feel myself drifting off now._

"_Well," Soda started in. "As long as ya'll are taking the blame for it." He laughed._

_After a long, unsure moment, Two-Bit chuckled and I'd be willing to bet that Darry was grinning. Soda can always make Darry grin._

_Everyone was quiet again. Finally, Two-Bit spoke up. "Well, I better get going," he said. "I've got a lot of work to do."_

"_You? Work?" Darry sounded amused. Two-Bit never worked if he could help it._

"_Ok, not work, I just got stuff to do," he explained matter-of-factly. "I'll be seeing you guys. Keep me updated on the kid."_

"_Bye Two-Bit," Soda and Darry both said._

_I was about to say goodbye, but didn't have the strength. Besides, I knew Two-Bit didn't _really _have any 'stuff' to do. He would be heading back home and waiting with Steve until Sodapop, Darry and me went home. Then him and Steve would come over and goof around until Johnny showed up and Dally stumbled in. The radio would be turned up too loud, competing with the television, furniture would be toppled over and everyone would be together having a good time, like always._

_The thought of it all sounded real good. Almost too good to be true._

Tbc


	3. Chapter 3

It occurred to me that at some point I'd been taken from the hospital back home, though I didn't actually remember it. I just remember waking up to a quiet house. In fact, one of the things I remember most was how quiet it was. Usually there're all kinds of noises: the gang chattering and roughhousing, electronics buzzing, things shattering. But most of the time it was just quiet. Sure, I'd hear soft voices whispering. Sometimes it was my brothers. Other times Two-bit and Steve. Never Johnny, but I didn't think much about that. He was always quiet, even when the rest of the guys were at their loudest. Though I did wonder why I didn't hear Dally.

--

_It was real hot in my room. I was burnin' up and didn't feel too good at all. Why was it so hot? I shifted uncomfortably in my bed, pushing the blankets off me. _

_I must've made noise when I moved, because the door creaked open slowly and a shadowy figure walked into my room. It was dark and only a little light was shining through the door. I started panicking. I was really confused. Had the Socs found me? Were they still mad at me and Johnny for sitting with their girls at the movie? And where was Johnny? If the Socs had found me in my own home, then surly they must've found him._

_I tried to get up, but the Soc pushed me back down. I opened my mouth to yell, to call for Soda, Darry, anyone. I was real scared._

"_Soda!" I called out, my voice quieter than I'd meant for it to be and too weak for my own comfort. "Dar-"I started a little louder, when the Soc put a hand over my mouth. I struggled under his grasp, but it was no use. I was tired and weak and figured I was done for._

"_Calm down, kid," the Soc ordered in a much gentler voice than I would have expected. "It's just me."_

_He must have sensed my confusion. After a moment he continued. "It's Steve."_

_I sighed in relief and relaxed a little. It was just Steve. Had he chased off the Soc? I was still really mixed up._

"_What happened to the Soc?" I asked._

"_Ponyboy," Steve said. "There ain't no Socs here. Just me."_

_I didn't say anything. I was real tired and didn't really understand. I just looked up at Steve, whose face looked like it was split in two the way the light shone through the partly opened door._

_Steve continued. "Soda and Darry are sleeping. They haven't got much rest the last couple days, so I told 'em I'd stay and keep an eye on you while they slept a little."_

"_Don't need a babysitter," I said, unaware that the reason my brothers hadn't been sleeping was because I was sick and they were too worried to leave me alone for too long. _

"_Damn kid," he said. "You're even mouthy when…" he trailed off without saying more._

_That made me kind of angry. Normally I wouldn't have said anything. After all, Steve was Soda's best buddy. But I wasn't thinking clearly. _

"_You shouldn't even be here," I said. Steve never did like me. "Why don't you just go home?" _

_I was almost surprised that I'd said that. I'm usually real quiet and would never mouth off to Steve purposely, for Soda's sake. By the look on Steve's face, I could tell he was real surprised too._

"_Look kid," he said, his voice loud and angry. Somebody coughed from another room and Steve turned around to look. When nobody seemed to have woken up, he turned back to me. "Look kid. I'm doing this to help out Sodapop and Darry. I can leave right now if I want," he said in a quieter voice. "I swear, why are you always such a pain?"_

_I wanted to say something back to him, anything. But as I opened my mouth, a wave of nausea came over me and I felt hotter than ever. I shut my eyes tight and whimpered softly, before I could stop myself._

_After a few moments went by the nausea was still there. My stomach was twisting and turning, my head aching like somebody just kicked me, and I was still burning up. I remembered feeling real hot like this once. I remembered Johnny being there too and screaming kids, and a building falling apart around us, surrounded by red hot flames and…_

_I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand on my arm. I opened my eyes, still feeling too hot and too sick. Steve was watching me with a worried look on his face. I'd never seen him look at me like that and it confused me even more. _

"_Ponyboy?" he said, his voice cracking just a little bit. "You okay?"_

_I wasn't okay. I felt like bawling right then. I didn't say anything. Just tried to focus on breathing._

"_I'm sorry kid," he said. "I didn't mean what I said, about you bein' a pain."_

_I was still quiet._

"_Honest, I didn't mean it," he sighed. "I never mean it. I mean, sure, it gets on my nerves sometimes when you're taggin' along with me and Soda everywhere."_

_My stomach did another sick somersault and I breathed in a sharp breath. Steve looked toward the door, probably wondering if he should wake Darry or Soda. I was still lying there real still, trying not to move because it made me feel sicker. I hoped he'd go get one of them; I hoped he'd go and wake Soda. _

_I guess he decided to let them sleep, because he kept talking. "But you're an okay kid, Ponyboy," he said. He patted my shoulder a little awkwardly. After a minute he asked, "Do you need anything?"_

_I shook my head. The pain in my stomach was starting to go back to the way it felt when I'd first woken up and my head was throbbing a little less. I didn't feel too good, but at least the pain was tolerable. Although I was still burning up worse than before._

_I closed my eyes and slowly started falling back asleep. I heard a noise in the other room and heard Steve get up and head out the door._

"_He okay?" I heard Darry ask._

"_He woke up thinking I was a Soc."_

"_Yeah, the doctor said he'd be delusional for a few days. Pony's imagination is too active for his own good."_

"_He looked like he was in pain. And he was sweating like a pig… hey Soda."_

"_Hey Steve. Pony okay?"_

_They continued, until I heard the front door open quietly and then Two-Bit's unmistakable voice._

_Everyone kept talking in hushed voices. _

_I listened for a few minutes, not really absorbing anything that was being said. It was too quiet anyway. It felt good just to hear their voices; Darry's and Soda's and Two-Bit's and even Steve's. I kept waiting for two other voices to join in. One of them would sound loud and slightly angry. The other would be quiet and comforting and defeated all in one. _

_But they never came. _

Tbc. I'd love to hear what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I was working on another chapter, when I realized how angst-y everything seemed. I know, it's an angst-filled situation and deserves to be written as such, but I wanted to write something a bit lighter hearted. (Although this still might not be what you call light hearted.) Anyway, the good news is that I decided to write this when the other chapter was almost done, so there should be a quick update.

* * *

It wasn't until I started remembering things that happened while I was sick that I realized how worried I'd made my brothers. I knew they hadn't gotten much sleep; I could see that by the bags under Soda's eyes and the way Darry's voice sounded so tired.

Like I said, neither of my brothers would say too much about what happened, what I'd said. I decided they didn't want me worrying about any of it. Still, it didn't seem fair that they had to go through everything while I was oblivious to all of the trouble I caused.

One thing they didn't have trouble reminding me of was my newfound dislike for bologna. Okay, so I don't like bologna. Big deal. You're crazy if you don't think that you wouldn't hate it too if you had to eat it for four days straight. But the gang didn't see it that way. No, they still tease me about it.

--

_I was dreaming until somebody started shaking me and saying my name. _

"_Ponyboy," I heard. I groaned and slowly and opened my eyes. It was Darry. Of course it was him, I thought. Darry's always rough with me. "Pony, wake up, you gotta eat something." _

_Everything was real vague and hazy. What was going on? Why was I laying in bed and not on the hard ground in that old church? And why was Darry telling me I had to eat? I wasn't hungry. My stomach was all twisted up and I felt like I wanted to throw up, but of course I didn't do that. Not in front of Darry._

"_Not hungry," I said quietly, my voice sounding real weak. _

_Darry frowned at that. "You halfta eat Pony," he told me. Darry was always telling me what to do. _

"_I'm not hungry," I repeated, only I sounded angry this time. Normally I would have sense enough not to talk that way to Darry, not when he was just worried about me. But I didn't understand what was going on. Everything was still real confusing and in that state I'd have probably talked back to an angry lion; or worse, to Dally while he was drunk._

_I prepared myself for Darry's lecture about my being mouthy, but it never came. "I know kid," was all he said. _

_I was even more confused now. "You ain't angry?" I asked, my eyes getting heavy and starting to close. _

"_Nah, I'm not angry," he told me. "Just worried."_

"_About what?" I asked stupidly._

"_About you Ponyboy."_

_If I were a little more conscious I would have been surprised. I'd never heard Darry come right out and say he was worried about me. He hardly ever let his emotions show, not even when mom and dad died. He wasn't like me and Soda._

_That reminded me. "Soda?" I asked, my eyes closed now. My head was spinning and sleep sounded real good._

"_He's fixing you something to eat with Two-Bit," Darry told me. _

_I shot him a look. "Don't worry," he continued seriously. "I told him to make something normal."_

_We waited in silence for a few minutes. I'd given up on trying to convince Darry that I wasn't hungry. _

_As we waited I was falling asleep again, gladly leaving behind the confusion and pain I'd been feeling while I was awake. I started dreaming in my light sleep. I thought about Darry and Soda; about Darry saying he was worried, actually admitting his feelings. I thought about how happy Soda and Darry were to see me that night in the hospital. I thought about before that, being in that church in Windrixville. I thought about Johnny and Gone with the Wind and bologna sandwiches…_

"_Rise and shine Pony," somebody said. _

_I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to leave the church. I wasn't ready to leave the country just yet and I really wasn't ready to leave Johnny. _

"_Think you can eat, kid?" Somebody else asked._

_I remembered Johnny coming back from town with food and supplies. Some Cigarettes, a deck of cards, some bread, and a weeks' worth of bologna…_

"_No bologna," I muttered. Why couldn't Johnny get something besides bologna? _

"_Ponyboy, it's not bologna, it's…"_

"_I hate bologna," I said._

_Somebody in the background laughed. I didn't understand why. I was tired of the stuff, and if I had to eat it one more time…_

"_He's been saying that about everything we've been trying to get him to eat."_

"_Please," I said, pretty much begging. "No more bologna."_

"_Geez kid, you'd think we were trying to feed you arsenic," somebody snickered. _

"_Alright, get him something else."_

"_But this isn't…"_

"_Just get him something _else._"_

"_Oh. I get it. Alright, we'll get you something else Pony."_

_The door opened and the voices trailed off, so I only caught bits of what they were saying._

"_How much you wanna bet…"_

"…_nah…"_

"…_two bucks…"_

"…_Two-Bit, you're crazy…"_

"…_come on, Soda, two bucks…"_

"…_fine…" _

_I lay there, eyes still closed, about to fall asleep, when the door opening woke me up for the second time that night. I opened my eyes unhappily as Darry helped me sit up._

"_Okay Pony, here you go," Soda said, handing me a plate. "Eat up." _

_I was still half asleep, not to mention all mixed up, but I took the plate anyway. Without even looking at what was there, I took a few bites, until my stomach twisted and turned real bad and I couldn't eat anymore without throwing up for sure. _

_I lay back down and closed my eyes. As I drifted back to sleep, I heard stifled laughing._

"_Well, whataya know," Darry said. "Couldn't get him to eat anything for two days…"_

"_You owe me two bucks Sodapop," I heard Two-Bit say._

_I didn't know what all the laughing was about, but I didn't really care. I just let myself fall back asleep, drift on back to that old abandoned church, hopefully for the last time that night._

--

Today I know they were laughing at me because the thing that I'd finally decided to eat in my delirious state was a bologna sandwich.

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Tbc. Reviews and concrit are really appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

Should be wrapping this up in the near future.

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Sometimes I wish I remembered what my nightmares were about. All I know is they started right after mom and dad died, they kept me up at night, and they scared me something awful, not to mention Sodapop and Darry. The doctor Darry made me see said it was my way of dealing with my parents dying and that my imagination was running wild. That didn't make me feel too hot. Why couldn't I just deal with it they way Soda and Darry did? Darry abandoned any emotions he might have felt while Soda just kept on living. I guess I figured we just all had different ways of coping.

I thought the nightmares were over for awhile, for the most part at least. Sure, I'd still wake up shivering or sweating or both now and then, Soda always there to calm me down and tell me everything's okay. But mostly they were gone and I was glad. After all, I'm fourteen and I felt kinda funny waking up from nightmares so often. Sure, I guess I had a good enough reason. Still, I was glad that they'd pretty much stopped recurring.

The first one I'd had in a long time came around that night I came home from the hospital after the fire. But even that wasn't as bad as the one I'd had while I was sick.

--

"_NO!" _

_I woke and shot up quick as I could in bed, looking around frantically. I didn't remember where I was or what was going on. A second later the door was flung open and in ran Soda followed by Darry. _

"_Ponyboy?" Soda asked as he sat on the edge of our bed. He put a hand on my shoulder and I realized how much I was shaking. I tried to calm down, but my nerves were still getting the best of me. I ached all over and if I wasn't so scared I would've noticed how much my stomach and head were killing me._

"_Lay him back down," Darry told Soda. His voice seemed real loud. Soda gently pushed me back down and Darry pulled the blankets that fell off of me up to my shoulders. "Did you have a nightmare?" he asked. I could tell by the look in his eyes how worried he was._

_I nodded. I couldn't remember what I'd been dreaming about. All I knew was that it scared me outta my wits. My eyes started stinging and filling up._

"_Aww, Pony," Soda said, rubbing my arm as a couple of tears fell. "It's over now. You're okay."_

"_Mom?" I asked. I don't know what I was thinking except that mom always made me feel better when I couldn't sleep._

_Soda just turned around and looked at Darry real funny. I didn't know why. _

"_Where's dad?" I asked. Why hadn't mom or dad come into my room when I started shouting? They would've told my brothers to go back to bed. They would take care of me, like always._

"_Baby, mom and dad aren't…" Soda stopped. Something in his voice sounded worried, almost sad…_

_Darry got up and moved closer to me. "Pony, you gotta get some rest. You've been waking up every couple hours."_

"_I wanna see mom and dad," I told them again, ignoring Darry. "Please."_

_Darry looked down, like he didn't want to say what he said next. "Ponyboy, mom and dad are dead. Don't you remember?"_

_Just like that I guess I did remember. I groaned, feeling sick. I wanted to know what was going on. "What's happening?"_

"_You're sick kid," Darry explained. "Been sick the last couple a days."_

"_What?" I asked. I didn't remember. The last thing I remembered was being with Johnny in Windrixville. "Where's Johnny?" I asked. I should still be with him, reading Gone with the Wind between drags of my weed while Johnny sat next to me, listening and talking about those gallant southern gentlemen. Then Dally showed up. Everything after that was too blurry to remember. "What about Dally?" _

_The phone rang from the other room and Darry looked at me before he hesitantly got up to answer it._

"_Soda, where are they?" I asked again. I started getting really frantic. Something wasn't quiet right._

"_Pony, please," Soda said, almost begging. "Please stop talking, you gotta rest." _

_He started stroking my hair, calming me down. I was starting to fall back asleep, but forced myself to stay awake. "Soda…"_

_Soda sighed. He looked so tired. Why did my happy, energetic older brother look so tired? "Look, Johnny and Dally…" he paused. "They're…"_

_I was starting to get real scared now. "Soda," I said, trying to sit up and forcing my voice to sound louder. "Soda, where are they?"_

"_They're dead Pony. You gotta remember." _

"_No!" I said real loud. They couldn't be dead, not like mom and dad, not when me and Johnny were just together, watching that gold sunset, staring at the mist all gold and silver in the hills. Why had we been there anyway? Suddenly I remembered… _

"_I killed that Soc," I said, confused. "Me and Johnny…we were hidin' out then Dally showed up and-"_

"_Pony, calm down. You didn't kill no one," Soda said. "Johnny, he was the one that…"_

"_I killed 'em Soda. Johnny didn't do nothing. You gotta go find him. He didn't kill no one."_

_I was crying now, but I didn't care. Soda just pulled me into a hug and I bawled into his shoulder. "You gotta find Johnny," I said into his shoulder, my voice muffled. "And Dal…he's got a heater." I was starting to mix up my facts._

"_Shh…Ponyboy, it's okay," Soda said quietly. "Everything's gonna be okay now."_

_I sat there for another minute and let Sodapop hold me. I was so confused, but somehow, like always, my brother managed to make it better._

"_Johnny didn't kill no one," I said again, stubbornly._

"_Shh… I know," Soda said. He released me from his grip, but kept a hand firmly on my shoulder. I looked at him and saw a few tears running down his face. "You didn't kill no one either."_

_I wanted to disagree with him, to tell him the whole story. But I was too tired and confused and wouldn't have been able to get my facts straight. I lay back down slowly and closed my eyes. "I don't wanna have anymore nightmares," I said absent mindedly._

"_Don't worry," Soda said, rubbing my hair again. _

"_But…"_

"_I'll be right here the whole time," Soda promised. "So don't worry."_

_Soda was real quiet again and I felt myself drifting off, the aching becoming a dull throb. _

_I heard Darry walk slowly back into the room. "He okay now?" _

"_Yeah. How long were you there?"_

"_A few minutes. Figured you were handling it good enough. You always know how to handle him."_

_Their voices became drones in the background. I tried to remember my dream. What could have scared me so bad that I woke up screaming like that? Soda had been there for me, like always, and I knew he would be by me the rest of the night. Soda would never break a promise. But what could have scared me so bad that Sodapop couldn't just throw his arm over me and calm me down? _

_I didn't think the nightmare was about mom and dad this time._

_I had a funny feeling it was about Johnny and Dally._

Tbc.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm really sorry about the delay on this chapter; just as much sorry I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to thank everyone personally for their reviews. So, if I didn't get to you, thank you so much, your feedback is really appreciated.

Also, there should be one more chapter after this (which may or may not turn into two more chapters.) And since people have asked, yes, it/they will focus more on Dally and Johnny, as they're the last ones I'm yet to devote a chapter to. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

* * *

One of the hardest things to remember was the way Darry had been. I knew he'd been having a hard time, even though I wasn't fully aware of what was going on while I was sick. Just remembering the tone of his voice was enough to make me shiver. I didn't like it one bit.

xxxxxxxxx

_I woke up to a dark, empty room. I remembered waking up a few times before, feeling real sick. I still felt warm and my head hurt pretty bad, but it wasn't as bad as I'd remembered before. I guess I was starting to get better, even though I hadn't really known I'd been sick. Being delirious and bed ridden for a few days will do that to you: mix you up real bad._

_I closed my eyes tiredly, about to fall asleep again, when somebody walked in. Even through the darkness of the room I could tell that the person sitting with me was Darry. Slouched down in the chair, just like he always was in the old armchair, his form big and muscular and intimidating, I could tell it was my oldest brother. He always looked the same; like the kind of guy that nobody, Greaser or Soc, ever had the nerve to provoke. Even in all the shadows, I would always know it was him. He started talking, real quietly. _

_Strangely enough, even though Darry's form was unmistakable, there was something in his voice that made me wonder if I were dreaming it was him. Sitting tiredly, head tilted back, he spoke to me softly, gently, with a tone to his voice that just wasn't Darry. I mean, sure, my brother can sound worried and comforting when he wants to, or on the rare occasions that he has to. But he never _wants _to, and this didn't seem like any occasion that he would need to. _

_Darry just rambled on, not really talking about anything, just keeping his voice steady and quiet. And then he started saying some things that kind of shocked me."…God, I was so worried Ponyboy," he said. _

_I was pretty sure he thought that I was asleep. I hadn't made a sound, let alone open my eyes since he'd walked in. I was too tired. Maybe that was why he was able to talk to me the way he was. _

"_I…we didn't know what to do. The whole gang, I mean. You know, Two-Bit wanted to go to Texas to look for you and Johnny?" He paused and laughed real quietly. "If I hadn't always been able to tell when ol' Dally was lying, I would've joined him. Soda too."_

_I thought about Dally showing up at the church and handing me that letter from Soda. I remembered what Soda wrote._

"…_Darry and me nearly went nuts when you ran out. Darry awful sorry he hit you. You know he didn't mean it." _

_Darry go nuts because I was gone? Darry sorry he hit me? When I was back at the church I couldn't believe it. I figured Soda was just trying to cool me off; trying to fix things between Darry and me, like always. And now, confused the way I was, it was still hard for me to believe that Darry was sorry or that he was worried like Soda said._

_Darry continued. "I thought it was like that time with mom and dad out in the country…" _

_I knew what he was talking about. I remembered a time before mom and dad died. It was a real long time ago, before I really understood too much about Greasers or Socs or about really anything in life._

xxxxxxxxx

_I was just a little kid, about seven years old. Mom and Dad took me, Soda and Darry out to the country for a hunting trip. Normally mom wouldn't come, but Dad insisted so she packed us all a nice lunch and we headed out._

_We didn't do much hunting, though. We just enjoyed our time together, one big family. We took a walk on this big hillside, all the way up to the top so that you could see for miles. The sun was just starting to go down. It was bright gold and made the clouds all orange and purple. I remember the way mom just sat there, talking about how perfect everything was. That was the first sunset I remember ever just sitting and watching. _

_Unfortunately the day didn't end as perfectly as it started. We headed back down the hill toward our car, leaving the sun to set behind us. By the time we got back down, it was nearly dark. Everything was a blue-gray haze as twilight faded into night. _

"_Dad, can we go put our feet in the pond before we leave?" Soda asked._

_Dad looked at mom questioningly and after a minute of begging from the three of us, she finally gave in. "Darry, you hold Ponyboy's hand and make sure neither of your brothers wander off," she'd said. "Be careful and come right back. It'll be dark soon enough."_

"_Stay together!" Dad yelled as we made our way into a thicket of trees and out of sight._

_The three of us started the short trek to the small pond. We knew exactly where it was, it being one of our favorite places to visit. Darry held my hand the whole time while Soda led the way. After just a few short minutes the pond was in sight and the three of us ran as quick as we could to the shore. _

_Soda splashed around happily, the water up to his knees and Darry and me laughed when he'd fallen down, half of his body completely submerged in the water. Soda splashed us and we splashed him back, until the three of us were soaked. We hadn't exactly just 'put our feet in' as Soda asked, but it didn't matter to us. It wasn't the warmest of days, but we had a little bit of daylight left to warm us. Besides, we knew mom and dad didn't really expect us not to get wet. After all, we were three young boys._

_After awhile of splashing around, we heard dad calling us back to the car. _

"_We better get going," Darry told us. "I didn't realize how dark it's getting." _

_I looked around. It _was _getting dark. So dark in fact that as we exited the pond and made our way back into the mass of trees, we could barely see. I stumbled along behind my brothers, lagging behind, as other thoughts, memories of the great day, flooded my head. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and before I knew it, I'd been separated from Soda and Darry._

_I kept on walking, thinking in my young ignorance that I knew where I was going and wondering how I'd managed to get separated so easily. I wasn't worried though. I was sure I knew the way back._

_Well, it turns out I didn't have as good a sense of direction as I'd thought. After a few minutes I knew I was completely lost. I was starting to get real scared. _

_I just kept walking, terrified at this point, and lonely too, going slowly enough so I wouldn't trip over anything. By then it was just about completely dark. The trees were so thick that the moon couldn't shine through and of course I had no other source of light. I couldn't hear any voices, which made me realize how far away I must've wandered._

_So I sat down. I just sat there for what seemed like hours. I thought about how great the day had been, mom and dad both being there with the three of us, the sunset that mom loved so much, splashing around in the cold water with my brothers…_

_I shivered. I was just becoming aware of how quickly it was getting cold. I was crying quietly by now, not embarrassed of it because nobody was there. And the thought of that made me cry even worse. I wasn't really afraid because I was lost. I was afraid because I was alone._

_It was really cold then and I didn't have a jacket, so I just pulled my knees up close to me, wrapping my arms around my legs comfortingly. It seemed like I'd waited forever. Maybe it was because I'd waited a long time for somebody to show up, or maybe it was because I was a little kid, and when you're a little kid you don't exactly have a lot of patience. I guess it was a little of both. Either way, I finally heard some noises in the distance. _

"_Ponyboy," a deep voice called out. Dad, I though happily. _

"_Pony, where are you?" Darry._

_After a second I saw the bright light of a lantern and couldn't have been happier. "Dad!" I yelled, getting up and running quickly in the direction of the light. I was going too fast and tripped over a stick or a rock or something, but I didn't care. I got up without brushing myself off and made my way to my dad and brother. I wasn't alone anymore._

"_Ponyboy, you had us worried to death!" Dad said as he picked me up and hugged me tight. I took in all the warmth that I could. "You're freezing," he said as he set me down and took off his jacket to wrap me up in. It was big and warm and I was thankful for it.  
_

"_God Pony, why'd you have to go and wander off like that?" Darry asked me. He was trying to sound angry, but you could hear the relief in his voice a mile away. _

"_Sorry Darry," I told him sadly. I really was sorry. Tears started welling up in my eyes again._

_Darry sighed and bent down to hug me, just like dad had. "I'm the one who's sorry," he told me quietly. "I messed up Pony. I should've been watchin' you like mom and dad said."_

"_It's okay Darry," I said happily, easy to forgive in my young age. I looked at my brother. He looked real sad, his young face too guilty. "Don't be sad," I told him. "It was my fault."_

_Darry just squeezed me again. I didn't think he would ever let go, until dad finally told us we'd better head back. Apparently mom was hysterical and she'd had to hold on to Soda to keep him from coming to look for me himself. We walked back, dad and Darry each holding onto one of my hands. I looked up at the both of them. They looked so alike._

_The rest of the night was kind of a blur. Mom was crying when we got back, squeezing the daylights out of me and telling me to never, ever wander off like that again. I really didn't have any intention of going through all this again anyway. Soda tried to keep the mood light and was successful for the most part, although I could tell that he'd almost wanted to cry himself._

_The day hadn't ended as perfectly as it'd started, but at least we were all together in the end, one happy family._

xxxxxxxxx

_I remembered how upset Darry was that day. I knew that he felt guilty for letting me wander off, especially when mom and dad were careful to tell him to watch out for me and Soda._

_I guessed that was why he was talking the way he was now. He was guilty. He'd let me run away; let me fight when I was sick. He'd let mom and dad down._

_But, thinking about it, I knew it wasn't his fault. None of it was. I thought about what Soda told me; about how he had more worries then he used to; more worries then he ought to have. _

_And if I was being honest, I knew he cared about me. I realized that what Soda'd written to me in that letter was the truth._

_I listened to Darry again. "…then we got that call from the hospital and Johnny and Dally-"_

"_It's okay Darry," I quietly interrupted when I heard those names, echoing the words I said so many years ago. "It wasn't your fault._

_Darry reached out and touched my shoulder. "Ponyboy, are you alright?"_

_To tell you the truth I wasn't feeling too hot. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I had to make one thing clear. "It was my fault. Everything. I shouldn't of wandered off."_

_I wasn't sure at the time if I was talking about the night at the pond or running away with Johnny. But really, it didn't matter. I was sorry about both and I wanted Darry to know that. I wanted him to stop blaming himself. I didn't want him to have so many worries anymore. Maybe if he didn't have so many worries the two of us would get along._

"_I'm sorry," I said. "It was my fault."_

_My eyes were closed again. If Darry said anything else, I didn't hear it. I was almost asleep, satisfied that I said what I need to say, even if in my delirious state it didn't make much sense to Darry._

_I felt strangely happy as I fell asleep, not thinking about the loneliness I'd felt surrounded by the trees or loneliness in that old church with Johnny, but thinking about the first sunset I'd ever seen._

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Tbc. As always, I love to hear what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

This isn't the last chapter, as I originally thought. One more to come. At least that's what I'm planning. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Dreams are funny things. I don't mean nightmares, like the ones I get sometimes and never remember. I mean ordinary dreams. Sometimes you dream about something that really happened and other times you make something up completely. I don't know what's worse: reliving something terrible or dreaming up something you wished would happen, only to be disappointed when you wake up. Maybe one of these days I'll figure it out.

_-- _

_I replayed the night Johnny and Dally died over and over again in my head. I thought about the way Dal dragged me from the rumble to see Johnny; the way he'd reacted when Johnny died._

_Johnny was dead. Johnny was dead, and now we were all running for Dally, running to save him from the fuzz, to save him from more time in the cooler. But none of us-not one of us-knew that we were racing against time not to save him from another inconvenient time in a jail cell, but to save him from his own death._

_It was hard to see much in the darkness. Everybody heard the sirens and the shouts for Dally to freeze. We all saw the organized dark forms of the cops and the frantic dark form of our friend, the greaser, the no-count hood. _

_But then I saw the gun. The silver color of the heater stood out even as he was still pulling it out of his jacket. It might sound crazy, but at that moment I knew what Dal was doing. Johnny was gone. He couldn't handle it. And now he just wanted it to all be over. He knew what would happen when he pulled the heater out; knew what would happen, even though the gun wasn't loaded._

_As the cops fired, I wondered vaguely if they would have done the same thing if he were a Soc. After all, Dally was just a greaser, a hood, a good for nothing JD, right? _

_At any rate, as I heard the screams of the gang, calling the stupid fuzz every name under the sun, I couldn't help but think about how unfair it was for Dally to go this way, even if it was what he wanted._

_I thought about it, and decided that Dally wasn't what the cops took him for. He was gallant, just like Johnny said. And I believed it as I hit the ground hard._

_-- _

"_Dally?" I asked in a daze. I opened up my eyes and was surprised for a second to be in my room. I looked to the side of me and Soda was there, asleep next to me. Looking around, I realized it was light out. I wondered why Soda was asleep. Didn't he have work? He was usually awake before I was._

_I tried to get up, but my head started spinning, so I decided not to try that again. I must've made more noise than I'd meant to, because Soda stirred and opened his eyes. When he saw I was awake he sat up real quick. _

"_Soda, where is everyone?" I asked before he could say anything. _

_He gave me a funny look then answered, "Darry's at work and so is Steve. I don't know where Two-Bit's at, he's been in and outta here the last few days… Ponyboy, you okay?"_

"_What about Dal and Johnny?" I asked, ignoring his question._

"_Pony, you don't look too good. You're real sick. Go back to sleep." Soda's voice was strangely gentle and comforting like always, but there was something else. It sounded real tired. Looking him over, I realized he looked real tired too._

"_But-"_

"_Pony, Johnny and Dally are dead. Don't you remember baby?" He asked._

"_That was just a dream," I tried explaining franticly. "The cops didn't kill Dally, they couldn't…"_

_Soda didn't say anything. He just turned over and threw and arm over me. _

"_They didn't kill him," I repeated._

_Soda still didn't say anything, just held me tighter. _

_I continued repeating 'they didn't kill him,' for awhile, but started getting real tired. I started closing my eyes, but was still confused. "Why ain't you at work?" I asked. _

"_We didn't want you to be alone," Soda explained. _

"_Why not? I've stayed by myself plenty," I told him, still not understanding why I couldn't be alone._

_Soda sighed. "The doctor said we shouldn't leave you by yourself in case you needed anything. Besides, me and Darry wouldn't leave you alone."_

_I didn't argue anymore. I still couldn't believe what Soda had told me. Johnny and Dally dead? I couldn't be true. _

_Soda kept holding onto me, stroking my hair, whispering to me that it was okay and that I should get some sleep. He sounded like he should get some too, so I took his advice._

_-- _

"_Hey kid," somebody said. I opened my eyes and my heart just about stopped. Standing there in front of me, was Dallas Winston. The same old Dally, looking just as tough and cold and mean as ever. He looked all right, any wounds from earlier had disappeared. I didn't know what to say and even if I did I probably couldn't have said it._

"_Cat got your tongue?" He asked and then laughed the same old laugh he'd always had._

_I swallowed hard and finally managed to open my mouth. "What're you doin' here Dal?"_

"_What, you gotta problem with me bein' here?" He asked as he put a cigarette to his mouth and lit it._

"_No, it's just…" I wasn't sure what was going on. "I saw you get shot."_

_Dally took a long drag. "Yeah, well, you saw right."_

"_Then how come you're here?" I asked, more confused then ever._

"_You think the damn fuzz can keep Dallas Winston down?" He asked with a cocky grin on his face._

"_Guess not." I stared at him, still amazed. It was really Dally. "Look man, I'm sorry."_

"_For what kid?" _

"_I got ya into this mess. I'm the reason Johnny's dead." I'd felt real guilty about that. And now I had a chance to apologize. _

_Dally's grin faded, just slightly. "It ain't your fault kid. Sure, you were stupid jumping in that church and shit, coulda got yourself killed too. But Johnny chose to follow you. It ain't your fault what happened to him," he told me fiercely, taking another drag. "Got it?"_

"_Sure," I said, not believing him._

"_Look kid, you're real hard headed and I know you ain't gonna listen to me," he said, but he didn't sound defeated. "So why don't ya talk to someone else?"_

_I gave him a confused look. "Who?" I asked._

_Dally just headed toward the door. As he opened it to go out, he stopped and turned toward me. "Hope I don't see you again any time soon Pone," he told me. "The gang's been through enough." _

_I didn't really know what that meant, but it didn't matter, because a second after he left the room, another person walked in, another horrifyingly familiar face._

"_Johnny?"_

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Tbc. I have a question. Do you think that Ponyboy's POV been consistent? Feedback is _really _appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I know, I know. I've taken a long time to update. So sorry about that. Anyway, here it is, the last chapter. Thank you to everybody who had read this story and also to those who have reviewed. I thank you for your support.

Disclaimer: The Outsiders belongs to S.E. Hinton, and the title of the story is a song by Pink Floyd. So obviously I don't own either.

* * *

Climb your favorite apple tree

Try to catch the sun.

Hide from your little brother's gun.

Dream yourself away.

Why can't we reach the sun?

Why can't we blow the years away?

Blow away, blow away.

Remember.

-Remember a Day, by Pink Floyd

xxxxx

"_Hey Ponyboy. How's it goin'?"_

_Right in front of me, in the flesh, stood Johnny Cade. No, it couldn't be. I was there when Johnny died. I was there with him in the hospital room. He'd told me to stay gold. Then he just died. _

"_Pony, you alright man?" he asked casually. I wondered how he, and Dally for that matter, could be so casual at a time like this._

_I let out a breath and realized I hadn't been breathing. "Yeah, sorry Johnny, it's just…" _

"_Yeah, I know," he said. He looked down at his shoes like they were the tuffest things in the world. He looked like a kicked pup, just the way I'd described him silently a thousand times before. His hair was long again, covering his face, not short and neat the way I'd cut it in Windrixville. He looked more like himself that way anyway, I thought._

_We were both quiet for a minute. Me and Johnny were always pretty quiet, especially compared to the rest of the gang. Then all of a sudden I burst out, "I'm sorry Johnny. It was my fault."_

_Johnny finally looked up from his shoes. He looked confused. "That what's been buggin' you Pony?"_

"_Who's says somethin's buggin' me?" I asked trying to sound tough. I don't think it worked too well._

_Johnny smiled his old sad grin. "Pony, you're my best buddy. I know when…"_

"_Yeah, I know."_

_He didn't need to say anything else, 'cuase I knew what he meant. We always understood each other. Me and Johnny were always close. Not just because we were the smallest of the gang or because we were both real quiet. I always thought it was because we understood each other. Johnny'd never make fun of me for talking about books or watching sunsets and stuff like Two-Bit or Steve or Dally would._

"_Look man," he started. "You're not lookin' too good."_

"_Thanks Johnny," I said sarcastically. _

_Johnny just grinned. "You know what I mean Ponyboy," he explained. "Darry and Soda are real worried about you. So is the rest of the gang."_

'_The rest of the gang.' What was left of the gang. Johnny and Dally were dead now. They'd left us alone. Then a thought dawned one me, one that made me real sick to my stomach._

"_Johnny, I'm not…" I started, but couldn't continue._

_Johnny's grin faded quickly and he looked at me seriously. "No Pony. You're gonna be okay. You've got stuff to live for. You've got your brothers to go back to. You've got Two-Bit and Steve," he paused for a long moment. "Pony, I'm glad it was me and not you."_

_My eyes were watering now and I felt a few hot tears run down my cheek. I wiped them away, frustrated. "How can you say that Johnny? I'm the one that got you…" I couldn't bring myself to say 'killed.' I never was too good at talking about stuff like that. "You should be angry at me."_

_Johnny moved close and looked me straight in the eyes. That's when I noticed something about him. His eyes were different somehow._

"_Come on Pony. Like I said, you're my best buddy. Always have been. You can't keep blaming yourself, it's gonna kill you. You didn't force me into that church Ponyboy. You gotta understand that."_

_And just like that, I guess I did. Johnny was always real good at making me believe things. Like when my parents died. For weeks I felt guilty about that, like I could have done something. Soda'd tried to talk to me about it, hell, even Darry tried. But in the end, it was Johnny who made me realize there was nothing I coulda done. Just like now. _

"_Besides. You have so much more to live for. I know you're gonna make everyone proud. I'm glad you got out Pony. I'm glad it was me that died and not you. Everything's okay now. I'm fine. Even ol' Dally's better now." _

_It was then that I realized what was different about his eyes. Usually they were real big and looked scared, like he was always waiting for someone to come and hurt him. But now they didn't look so scared. They looked real peaceful. _

_Funny thing is, something about that scarred me. I don't know exactly what it was. I guess it was that it made the fact Johnny was gone more real. But he was okay now; no more fear of being beat by his parents or by the socs. Or maybe that was all in my head._

_Either way, the thought made me sick again. My stomach turned and my head throbbed. The scene in front of me started to sort of fade, like the last scene of a movie does. _

"_You're gonna be okay, Ponyboy. And remember what I said…"_

_I didn't here the last words Johnny'd said, because all of a sudden everything just went black. But I didn't need to hear them to know that he wanted me to stay gold._

_I would try, for Johnny._

xxxxx

_When I woke up, I couldn't stop asking for Johnny. I was real mixed up and I didn't remember every detail of my dream, not just yet, but I had this crazy feeling that I needed to talk to Johnny._

_I didn't realize it before, but I must've sounded like I was off my rocker saying the things I was. After all, I was asking for people who weren't alive anymore. Talking about things that had passed or never even happened._

"_What do you expect? After all he's been through…" _

_I didn't understand what they were talking about. I was fine, wasn't I? I didn't quite understand what was going on. _

_Of course, that was until I started getting some of my sense back. I'd wake up now and then in a daze, Soda or Darry by my side. At first I'd ask where Johnny was and even Dally, but as a couple days went by, I slowly began to realize that they weren't around; that they never would be._

xxxxx

Once my fever went down and the effects of the concussion I'd gotten at the rumble started to fade, my head cleared up. I was finally aware of what was going on, who was around, and, at least for the most part, what all happened during the last week. Sure, I still had myself convinced that Johnny hadn't killed the soc, even told Randy that when he stopped by, but for the most part I was back to normal.

After another miserable week in bed, looking for something new to read and itching for a cigarette, the doctor told me I was more or less better. I was real happy about that. Days went by and turned into weeks. For awhile I tried not to remember what happened. I couldn't think about what'd happened.

But my plan to just forget didn't work as good as I'd planned. Everywhere I went I saw Johnny and Dally: Johnny on the front steps of his house as I listened to his parents screaming. Dally on a Friday afternoon headed to the drive-in or to Buck's to hunt some action. I'd see them both just hanging around the DX when I went to see Soda, or they'd be tossing around a football in the empty lot.

I began getting so distracted by the thought of them that I started running into things or forgetting stuff at school. It got Soda and Darry real worried.

"_You're living in a vacuum Pony…"_

How could I not? How could I ever go back to living the way I used to, without mom and dad, without Johnny and Dally? No, nothing would ever be normal again, I'd thought.

Sure, things got a little better for everyone else. Soda, he'd been real upset over Sandy. But he slowly he went back to being my happy-go-lucky brother, like always. Steve stopped sulking so much and went back to being his same ol' obnoxious self I never really liked, but didn't actually hate either. Two-Bit stopped making jokes for the sake of adding humor to a bad situation, but started joking around for sheer enjoyment, just like before. As for Darry, he'd never really shown his emotions much, but I could tell that he was feeling better too.

If they could all get better, why couldn't I? I couldn't get them out of my head, couldn't get the night that Johnny'd killed Bob, or the fire, or Johnny in the hospital, or Dally on the cold ground, out of my head.

I hated the way I felt.

Soda tried every night to talk to me about it; to make me feel better. Darry told me that I'd better start doing better in school; that I couldn't keep acting the way I was. He said all this sounding angry, but Soda tried to explain that he was worried too.

I appreciated everyone trying to help me. But they couldn't. I couldn't help but remember what'd happened now, and to tell you the truth, it scared the hell outta me. This wasn't a soc that could be chased away. This was something even worse, something that even my brothers couldn't save me from.

But, as I figured out a little later, Johnny could.

For days I'd avoided reading or even just looking at the copy of _Gone with the Wind._ There were too many memories of those days in Windrixville wrapped up in the pages of that old civil war novel.

But finally, I'd managed to pick it up. I flipped through the pages a few times with my fingers absent mindedly. As I did, a piece of paper fell out from between the pages. I picked it up and was shocked at what I read:

_Ponyboy, I asked the nurse to give you this book so you could finish it. The doctor came in a while ago but I knew anyway. I keep getting tireder and tireder. Listen, I don't mind dying now. It's worth it. It's worth saving those kids. Their lives are worth more than mine, they have more to live for. Some of their parents came by to thank me and I know it was worth it. Tell Dally it's worth it. I'm just going to miss you guys. I've been thinking about it, and that poem, that guy that wrote it, he meant you're gold when you're a kid, like green. When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep that way, it's a good way to be. I want you to tell Dally to look at one. He'll probably think you're crazy, but ask for me. I don't think he's every really seen a sunset. And don't be so bugged over being a greaser. You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. There's still lots of good in the world. Tell Dally. I don't think he knows. _

_Your buddy, Johnny._

I held the note in my hand, read through it a few more times, then slipped it back into the book. Gold when you're a kid; dawn. Tell Dally; sunsets. Everything in Johnny's letter kind of swirled around in my brain. I couldn't get it out of my head. But I knew why. Everything he'd written, everything he'd wanted me to know, was true.

'There's still lots of good in the world.' Before reading that, I wouldn't have believed it. But reading it in Johnny's letter, I realized it was true. There _was_ good in the world. Always will be. There was good in my brothers: Darry, who'd given up his entire future to take care of his kid brothers. Soda, who could always understand me, always understand everybody. Two-Bit, he would always be there to bring a little laughter into people's lives. Even Steve had some good in him, even if it was hard for me to see it.

I guess it's the good in all of them that helped me keep going. That, and Johnny's letter. It made me realize that a sunset isn't the only beauty in the world.

I could remember now. It was okay to remember Johnny and Dally and those days that led up to the rumble.

I'm not afraid to remember anymore.

_Flaming Telepaths, September 2008_

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Again, thank you for reading. I plan on writing more for the Outsiders in the near future.


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